My 2nd article...

It’s been almost 4 years now since I started worked here. Oh man how suck life has become! Everything’s all about money and how to get more and more money. Getting too bored being scolds and told what to do day in and out. At first its all started so great and fun as I never experience working in such fast pace environment before but as days grow into days, months turns into years, I started to feel that life gone so fast and still I haven’t get enough of money to stabilize my life. Still got a lot to own, a lot to pay. Places I haven’t been to, friends I have been long not seen. And yet I count the week by week to turn into years. Blink blink suddenly it’s been 4 years!

The one thing I am so scared now is the one thing that I must do. If I ever need to success in life. Can I make it out there since I blend so well here? The work scope and the friend I met all this years. Can I able to start thing over again, as a new person again? Learn new things again? Oh man I’m so in contradiction. But 1 thing for sure is that I’m so BORED HERE. I’m so bored with the style of factory work. Always demanding and after 4 years, it is never enough for them. They are trying hard everyday to squish me for every penny I’m worth to them. Never give me a fucking break.

Kadang tu aku jealous jugak tengok orang lain yang buat bisnes meniaga ke. Jual itu jual ini. Setiap kerat yang diorang buat tu memang berbaloi dengan usaha dia. Kalau keje kuat hasil pun confirm lumayan. Kalau malas hasil pun taklah muai sangat. At least tu la hasil tangan sendiri. Tapi masih mampu pakai kreta, kawen, beli rumah bla bla. Ini la yang dikatakan kepuasan daripada bisnes. Aku macam dapat rasakan je kalau aku berhenti, aku mungkin akan lebih bernilai ditempat lain daripada apa yang flex nilaikan aku. Aku yakin dengan hal nih. Aku rasa aku boleh survive kat tempat lain. Asalkan aku boleh survive kat flex, aku memang boleh survive kat mana2 kilang pun sebabnya demanding environment kat flex nih dah mempreparekan aku untuk cabaran2 kat tempat lain. Masalahnya ada tiga:

a) Agaknya tempat lain mungkin lagi suck dari flex? Mungkin diorang akan bagi gaji yang setimpal dengan experience aku tapi mesti diorang akan squish aku lagi kuat dari yang macam mana flex squish aku untuk mendapatkan balik nilai yang setimpal dengan bayaran yang diorang bagi (atau yang aku mintak). So pusingnya sama jugak. Aku masih lagi kene marah, masih lagi keje macam anjing, masih lagi OT untuk menyara hidup aku. Masih lagi duduk bawah cher. Yang bezanya duit je bertambah. Aduh duit lagi yang jadi isu tapi aku secara idealistiknya masih lagi ditakuk lama. Cuma beza taraf hidup dah upgrade (periuk nasi dah besar, tapi kerak jugak akan turut besar beb!!)…. Fuck!

b) Masalahnya aku bukan kejar duit sangat,,, sebab setakat yang aku perolehi nih dah cukup nak tanggung hidup dan save some. So buat aku nak cuba tempat keje yang mungkin akan menjanjikan duit yang besar berbanding flex tapi hakikatnya environment lagi suck dari flex. Flex punya suck aku masih boleh manage lagi, kalau aku cuba tempat lain yang nama company je gah tapi work ethic lagi teruk, buat apa? Akhirnya aku terperangkap sebab silap langkah. Duit banyak pun, nak pergi kerja rasa macam tak ikhlas je. Keje setakat nak lepaskan sampai petang. Environment macam nih untuk mereka2 yang kejar duit semata. Pada aku cara ni untuk orang yang dah banyak hutang nak settle, takda second choice lagi sebab bad choice yang diorang buat muda2 dulu. Biasanya diorang2 nih (base yang aku nampak kat flex nih, rambang dengan hidup mewah tapi tak mampu atau tak nampak risiko hutangnya). Panjang aku nak story orang2 yang macam nih. Maybe next time aku akan tulis article khas untuk hal nih. But for now let’s write about me. Duit setakat nih bukan la isunya. Aku sentiasa nak berhati-hati kalau nak berhutang. Aku sentiasa set dalam kepala aku nak elak daripada berlaku pada diri aku pepatah orang tua2 kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang. Keje bulan ni untuk hidup bulan depan. Gaji bulan nih, belum bulan depan dah habis. Takda spending untuk side expenses, saving dan rewarding diri sendiri langsung. Aku yang pasti tak boleh dan tak akan hidup macam nih. Aku pernah susah dulu, aku dah rasa macam mana susahnya hidup dengan RM10 untuk seminggu.

c) The problem is that I’m so fed up working in factory anymore. This applies to all factories for that matter. I need to try different field but still related with Electronic Communication. Like example work for Maxis or DiGi, where I got to go places and meet new people everyday. Hard work is something that I can confirm I can handle even for everyday for as long as that the environment is nothing compares in factory. My previous work before flex proves it. Even if I jump from company to company but still I work in factory, tide up in same cage for years and years to come, the result will be the same man! I need to try out something new. Somehow deep in my heart, I know I destine for work like that. And I know I’m a worth person for that particular field. My work record here in flex is to prove that I’m a worth candidate for that kind of job. Somehow I still dream for that dream career. The career where I can grow old working for. But here! In flex? How can anyone grow old here man! .Unless that person got mountain of dept to settle for, or maybe he/she got no where else to work at, they would (even if I know for sure he/she got no heart to work). I cannot grow old working jumping from factory to factory just to find employment that suits me as my age getting old; older the person becomes, slower his performance become . Now a days it is not the older you become, the more experience you gain, the more valuable you become, now is the time the older you become, the less you are worth to any company, because somehow family life slows you down. Experiences never guarantee you can perform to task given. It’s your performance, knowledge and result that count. This I know for sure. But another issue will arise; my 4 years experience has set me for working that applies in factories only. How can I seek career that applies experience in factory but in entirely different field? The chances of finding that job are like a thousand in one. I can’t simply start all over again like freshies, its impossible. Even now I feel like I’ve made a bad move. One will never know unless one has finish searching, right? Only then can he jump into conclusion that bad move had been made and there is no way out. Ohhh fuck!!!!

What is important is that I need to find that career where I can grow old to, where the money is good, the environment is healthy and where I am appreciated for how I carry out my task. More important is that the place is not anything like in factory. I need to find this job before I grow old working at flex, when I become less and less motivated and when dept started to gain on me. And when that comes, for sure all hope will gone and I will grow old like the rest of those guys here in flex. Where money is all that matters, overtime work is to die for, and working will be just another day in and day out. Waiting every moment in factory for time to go home, feeling so heavy to wake to go to work and so contented when time has come for them to slot out. Any crappy work for the day is an acceptation, all criticism from their superior will be like when into left ear and out another and still remaining the same old person. All that matters is MONEY… Oh God please don’t let me become those people. Money is important, this I can’t deny but how significance we getting it, is for me as important too.

So now, until what point shall I resign from flex? Until I’m 30? (God, please don’t!) I can feel that my breaking point has almost reaches its peak. (Censored Chinese name) day by day push me to break so that I would resign. (Censored technician name) also giving his (what I called it) deepest longing-to-say peace of mind, every now and then but in good manners as he does it. Pushing me aside so he could be back (again) blending-in with (censored Chinese women’s name)’s team.

Forgotten names, mislaid dreams

Left with no sense of reality

Plagued by old age and disease

Until all that’s left are memories

Medication and vegetation

Have taken away the memories

All that’s left is sedation

So far gone, they can’t be reached

Forced into life until death

In the nursing home

Severe dementia robs their minds

While their children robs them blind

Devastating bills to be paid

No decisions can be made

Prisoners in a sterilized cage

Victims by their old age

Dying image of a tired old man

Dreamed of a different retirement plan

From “Shady Acres by Code 13”